Today is Easter... I didnt get any jellybeans! darn

well yes I am back at school, unfortuntately I didnt get to see Vinnie this weekend, mostly because I am stupid and bad at time management... but oh well. It was good to see my fam and my dawg. :)

hope everyone else had a good one!

Well it seems that I havent written here in awhile... I decided to write mostly because I think I should... that my friend is a good reason!

This weekend I went home. It was nice to feel like myself and not have to worry about anything. My mom freaked out at my lip. She kept asking me why I would do these things to my body.  HAHA She said "you better not come back with a tatoo next time." Well we will certainly see. But for right now I am just chillin'

 So much shit went down this weekend and part of me wishes I was here so I could have witnessed it myself. But on the other hand it was nice to get away.

Its strange how some people can automatically be included and others are always dismissed. Its sort of sad actually. What makes a person better than any other? I guess having things in common with someone is no longer a basis for friendship. You have to be hot and mysterious. I suppose I am neither of these things.

Things with vinstar havent been the same either. Or at least it feels different, maybe its just a phase I'm going through. I dont know but if it is, its been lasting for well over 3 years. Maybe I'll be like one of those big white blobs on that commercial with the rain cloud over its head.

um.........yeah

WOW it is so beautiful outside.  The sun is shining and weather above 30 degrees is spectacular!

Sometimes its appreciating the small things that make you realize that many of the problems you face are stupid and should be ignored and forgotten. I was listening to this band that Kevin listens to : Intro5pect and they have this song, Rights, with a very positive message :

so go, and sell it, your life is what you make of it
so go, and sell it, this is the only life ive got and im not gonna waste it.

It may sound corny, but its incredibly true. We only do have one life. I think many times people dont realize how great life is because they are too caught up thinking about their stupid problems when there are other people dying. I am so thankful everyday, even though sometimes I dont sound like I am, for what I do have... because I know a lot of people dont have the opportunities that I have been given.

So! Go enjoy the day and seize it! Because its your life dammit and you shouldnt spend it being sad or upset at stupid things!

Well I would just like to clarify some things because I have been pissing a lot of people off with my stupid journal entries.  Some of the things I write in here are not meant to tick anyone off they are just things I am feeling at the moment and feel I should express.  Opinions are opinions and I think everyone is entitled to one, whether spoken or not. Just because I speak my mind rather than letting things remind in my head, is no reason to get upset... we all have different opinions. Thank you. :)

 I used to watch this show... when I was little. It was called Sabado Gigante-- on Univision some Spanish channel... It was basically like the price is right but on satruday nights and in spanish and with this chubby guy hosting it . His name was Don Francisco. or Mister Francisco for you whities  .... oh those were the days --maybe I'll watch it again sometime.

  I am bored. I can't wait til this week is over and for Spring Break to start. NEW ORLEANS!! :)  It is going to be spectacular.

  When the sun hits the sky in a certain way or the leaves on the trees are a certain color, all I can think about are cross-country races. I miss those. Leaving before school ended, taking the bus and sitting next to my buds, giving out our secret buddy treats, and heading to some course. I liked Burke Lake's and Madeira's course the best. I miss those the most. They were definitely the most nature oriented. There are  no words to explain what its like to run in a x-c meet. Its so intense and whether you win the race or not, you genuinely feel better after you ran.

  Its weird how listening to 311 makes me all nostalgic. Its strange. Their songs remind me of the beach. I wish I was at the beach right now. Days like this make me think this way.

They really shouldnt call it Livejournal, they should call it BITCH journal--- basically a place where you can bitch when you get pissed off... HAHA

I love how teachers love to give you shitloads of work before you go on break... its fantastic.

My spring break is going to be STUPENDOUS! I am going to New Orleans with Vinnie to see 311 on 3-11. Its supposed to be an awesome show. Oh to be in nice weather eating jambalaya.  It will be a good time and I am very excited, why yes-- yes I am!

Espero que tenga mas amigos pronto. Si senor!

I was hoping spring time would come soon, but no!  it decided to snow today...

I cant help being negative when I am in a bad mood. BUT, i also know how annoying it is when other people are around you when you're negative and stupid. Cuz I hate it when people are like that, but what can you do? I mean you can't act all fake and pretend to be having a blast when you really aren't at all.

Anyway, today is FAT TUESDAY! I was telling Jean this during breakfast as I shoved a sugared donut into my mouth, well not the whole thing--- that would be too fat-kid---ish---- just about two bites worth. Then I put it down on my plate and decided I was done with it. I think tasty (aka greasy artery clogging foods) laugh at you while you are eating them "HAHAHA! !! You ate me, sucker! I am going straight to your ass!"  Its weird how girls are so obsessed with weight. Well at least I am, lately it has been bad, but then again I dont do anything about it I just eat gross (tasty) food all the time. Hopefully this whole Lent thing will get me to lose weight by giving up all my gorss foods (TASTY!)

Is it wrong that I hate THON and the huge deal everyone makes about it? I know its about kids with cancer and its probably a huge faux paux to say this, but its so annoying how everyone is always running around during "THON season" --- its gay. Maybe its just because I dont like being part of something that EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER is doing... I dont know what it is. I really hate when a large group of people do something, I dont know why but I do. Like when people decide something is cool and then everyone does it, then its not cool anymore. I shouldnt care, I mean seriously WHO THE FUCK CARES! But alas I am immature and I fucking care... HAHA

I miss those times when I would go to track practice and be loud and obnoxious with my friend Clare, those were the days. I miss vandalizing "popular people's" cars and stealing bags of bagels from the bagel place. OH! to be a teenager HAHA (I'm only 20!)

Welll I am through being a nerd now....

  HAVE A FANTASTIC DAY IN THE SORRY EXCUSE FOR SNOW!

   If its gonna snow it should SNOW!

After this weekend, it sucks to come back here.

I LOVE YOU VINNIE!

That movie Monster is crazy! If you want to feel depressed and like you have been sexually abused, you should go see it.

Being at Penn State makes me realize how much being at PENN STATE SUCKS ASS

         Yeah so last night I had this dream about Paris Hilton. I was beating her up, it was great... I was pulling out her (fake extensions) hair.HAHA ! I woke up in the best mood...
 

      I scrubbed it today to all my classes. I am so dirty, I need a shower bad... pretty soon I think I am going to die from the odor.

  Today I am leaving this shithole to go to Michigan to see my boy, it should be interesting. I have so much shit to do today and here I am typing away on this gay livejournal thing...
        Yeah I better go shower... I cant breathe, I smell so bad    haha!

  Heres to a wonderful weekend and forgetting about dreary days in State College.

    Oh yeah by the way Rocking Horse Winner puts me in the best mood, even if they DID break-up ;)

Maybe I need to let somethings out... Maybe I am just drunk.,. maybe I am just trying really hard to type well... after a specfic incident told me that I cant type right now...

 I have never been this alone in my whole life. I dont know what else to do... I am pretty sure that sooner or later I will be gone and no one will notice...

I need to disappear from this place... my cell phone is going dead-- I tried calling Vinnie like 50 times after I left.

All I can think about is the good times I used to have when I didnt have to think about being lonely.

I have nothing right now... NOTHING... and I dont know what to do

After getting wasted tonite I realized that even temporary happiness can not help... I KNOW I dont need fucking pills or anything to make me happy but I know that what I am right now is anything but happy  I dont need SAMe for vegetarians or anything! I know all I need is a true friend.   All I have right now is Chihiro--- who is  a great person and outstanding friend... but I know that sometimes she cant always be there when I want to hang out and therefore I need more than just one friend.  I feel like I must escape. Escape to where though? I dont know but to somewhere.

 I need someone anyone... for I know that if I were to continue in this state I most certainly would die... of loneliness.

I cant type it has taken me forever to type this without screwing it up... I have had to delete

I need something

SOMEONE

I need out!

 Now thats not fair... no thats just obscene

Pennsylvania is for retards

 I cant get over how rude and inconsiderate people are here. By people I mean  GIRLS!  They always run you over when you're walking to class. I mean is being punctual really important to these people? I don't think it is... I think they just like acting bitchy all the time... I mean it goes with their whole persona-- Blonde hair and A&F clothing and shit loads of make-up.  haha

  I need to get out of Pennsylvania! This is driving me insane. I wish I had a car here so I could at least see something else besides the one block of stores in "DOWNTOWN STATE COLLEGE" and the dining hall.  BLAH!

Oh yeah and Chris I know that you dont have to write in here everyday, retard... I was just commenting on the fact that when you have one of these things it feels like you have to.

Today I start my new job at the dining hall HOO-FUCKING-RAY! yeah I need some money... I am a card swiper, so I get to sit in the doorway and swipe cards for 4 hours. I am so excited!   I hate how I am going to be associated with the dining hall now. Everytime I see someone that works in the dining hall around campus... the first thing that comes to mind is DINING HALL and now that will be me.

These things are crazy... I mean do you seriously have to write everyday? I guess so...

Well today I got a $7 haircut benefitting Thon, although i think I was one benefitting because I mean where can you get a haircut for 7 dollars nowadays? Nowhere! I showed the dude this picture of how I wanted it cut and it didnt come out like it at all... I should of known... damn silver scissors

I finally got the package my family sent me from the mail too...the new Incubus album was in there... so far it sounds gross. I'm not sure if I have to listen to it over and over before I decide that I like it.

I think I just deleted everything I had already written... well anyway I was just saying how Sundays suck...  Nothing exciting today... went to brunch then went to the Library to do some Biology.

Then I watched Erin Brokovich, Julia Roberts' boobs were huge in that movie...so was her hair--- out of control.

BLAH

What are you supposed to write in these things anyway... I think I will just stop now before I make everyone die of boredom.